These Arms of Mine

"These arms of mine, they are lonely, lonely and feeling blue.

These arms of mine, they are yearning...."

You get the idea. Fans of oldies (or the movie "Dirty Dancing") will recognise this Otis Redding classic. And that pretty much summed up how I felt, since I last held my baby on July 9th. Today, 12 days later, I finally got to hold Benjamin again. What a wonderful feeling to snuggle with him in a rocking chair supplied by the nurses, cradling his smooth head (no lumps!) and stroking his soft hair (it's not falling out yet) as he falls asleep.

Some of you might have already made the leap of logic that if I can hold Benjamin, he's no longer on the ventilator. He was extubated today, July 21st, around 11AM. See, the nurses started weaning Ben from his drugs yesterday, and so he is more active if not fully awake and aware. So the decision was made today to take out the tube before he ripped it out himself. He was a little wheezy at first and coughing up secretions, but he's much better already. He has no voice right now as his vocal cords are still stretched out of shape, but I've been assured that that will correct itself shortly. His cries are just mewling gasps and he was crying, either because he has a sore throat (ya think?), or from chemo side effects, or gas, or withdrawal. Lord knows Benjamin has any number of completely valid and justifiable reasons to cry.

At 3:30, after several hours of restlessness Benjamin finally fell asleep. And that's where we stand right now. He'll probably still get a tube for feedings if he doesn't take the bottle. But it looks like there's a very real chance that he'll be back in 8D for his birthday on Monday. So Mommy's decided to take these last nights at home easy, since when Benjamin goes to 8D, so does Mommy. I have to say that I feel like I got spoiled with Benjamin sedated and well taken care of by the wonderful nurses of the ICU. I actually got to sleep 6-8 hours a night uninterrupted in my own bed - something that hasn't happened since Benjamin was born. But the trade-off for these nights of sleep isn't worth it. There is no question that I'd rather be holding Benjamin in my arms at 3AM than being asleep at home while he's intubated and sedated in the ICU. And that brings this post full circle. Hopefully my next post will be from the computer in the playroom at 8D. As soon as we're settled we'll let everybody know.