Angel Day

Angel day is a term Roger found when surfing the net for information on childhood cancers. It is the day that an afflicted child becomes an angel, and that happened early this morning for the little boy two doors down from Benjamin. It seems the right terminology, especially for a boy who's family always referred to him as an angel anyways. Saying that he's not suffering anymore and that he's in a better place is easy, and hollow. I can't begin to imagine what that family is feeling. They've spent the last six weeks preparing themselves emotionally for this moment, and I wouldn't be surprised if all that planning went out the window along with his little soul this morning. The only comparison I can make is an inadequate one but when I tried parachuting, all the hours of training and drills were shoved out of my brain by the sheer terror of free fall, until the parachute opening literally jerked me back to reality. Unfortunately for this family, their reality has been permanently altered to contain a gaping hole in the space their baby once physically occupied. Over the past weeks I've gone from pitying them to being impressed by their courage and strength in facing this head on. There was no denial, only acceptance and gratitude that they were loaned an angel for almost 20 months.

And now they have to move forward without him, and us without them. It's funny how everybody becomes like family in this little section of the hospital. But there's no reason for one branch of our family to be there anymore, and it feels weird. These are people that we didn't know three months ago, but we've wandered the halls together, shared a kitchen and bathroom, and talked late into the night about anything and everything. And now because their son/grandson is gone, so are they. Although we've commiserated with them, we didn't get to say goodbye.

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So I'm saying it now. Happy Angel Day, M.; I'm sure the wings are more comfortable than the wires and tubes. And good-bye to your wonderful loving family. May they find the road ahead not too difficult to navigate.