FREEDOM!!

THANK YOU DR. MITCHELL!!!

So Sunday morning I'm pushing Emily around Costco in a shopping cart full of industrial sized diapers and detergent, when my cell phone rings. It's Roger at the hospital telling me to drop everything; we've been discharged! AACK! Not enough warning! I pay, dump everything at home, grab a bunch of empty bags, transfer Ben's car seat into my car, bring Emily to the in laws and rush to the hospital - all at lunch time. Luckily being discharged also means having to empty our shelf in the parents' fridge. So this is it - exactly six months and 2 days after Benjamin was diagnosed and chemo was started (186 days!), he's going home a healthy boy. The only thing left now is to check his bone marrow and spinal fluid one last time, and if his counts are high enough, remove the Broviac (that's all scheduled for Jan. 22nd). The only meds he is still on is an antibiotic which he will take 3 days a week for the next two months. And apart from that it will simply be monthly CBC blood tests for the first year to monitor his counts, and then annually.

The on-duty nurses threw a little farewell party for Benjamin, with a few parting gifts (a medical toy set, a teddy and a quilt) and plenty of hugs, while Roger made at least four trips to the car laden with Benjamin's "accumulated wealth". Right at the beginning I made a promise to myself that Benjamin would walk out of here. So, much to the joy of us and the nurses, and bundled up in snow suit, scarf and hat, Benjamin toddled down the hall from his room to the nurse's station and elevators to receive more hugs before being guided out the door.

I was emotionally overwhelmed. In my mind I had for some reason picked January 15th as our "check-out" date, and was mentally and physically preparing for that. But to be "kicked out" on a Sunday, when you haven't said your farewells and thanks to various people who only work weekdays, or nights or who are coming back on duty! The suddenness of it all made it feel a bit like I was expelled from school or fired and escorted by security to the door so I wouldn't steal office supplies. I know it is hard to believe, but even though it was difficult to live in 8D, it came to feel like home, with the nurses and other families becoming our extended family. Leaving this all behind to (hopefully) never come back as a patient really feels like a graduation. There is such joy at knowing that a chapter of our lives is finally and permanently behind us, and that we can now look to the future once again. This finality also brings sadness thinking about the people left behind, both staff and other families, who have helped and supported us. I've often joked that when we leave I'll come back looking for a job, but now it doesn't feel like a joke anymore. One thing's for sure - when the kids are finally settled in school I'm going to start volunteering one day at the hospital. It seems the very least I can do to pay back what they have done for us.

Even though our time living at the hospital is over, our journey in the world of leukemia is not. I will continue to blog not just our progress, but my ramblings and musings, for all who still wish to follow them. This blog has been an incredible outlet for me these last six months and you, the readers, have been my therapists, supportive and non-judgemental, allowing me to vent and rant when needed. I feel that there is still much to say and many more pages to fill, and now that we're home hopefully I'll find the time to do this on a more regular basis. In the meantime, WE'RE HOME! Please feel free to call.